While Dana Walsh’s bothersome Cletus doesn’t take up as much time as usual, the stupidity surrounding this character’s schemes still confounds. When Dana meets Cletus at entrance of CTU HQ, the door guard gives her an “in the know” nod and grin. Did Dana have an “understanding” with the guard about her shady ex and his even shadier sidekick showing up in their child molester style rusty old van? That seems like exactly the kind of person to keep away from a sensitive government facility. Dana is going to help ol’ Cletus break into a police evidence locker, but I can tell you exactly where this is going to go. The writers have been playing up her innocence, good nature, and helplessness up until now. But mark my words, she will figure out a way to have the police kill her hillbilly problem, and reveal her true ruthlessness, the same cold blooded streak that made her an accomplice to murder in the first place. The hicks will be dead within a few short episodes. On a side note, CTU NY looks strikingly similar to the UNATCO HQ from the old Deus Ex video game, a solitary concrete entrance in a grassy field next to a helipad (just a thought).
The main character work is between Renee and her old flame Vladimir Laitanin. Female helplessness seems to be a main theme of this season, as Renee is slapped around by Vladimir after being forced to have sex with him. The show has really uglied up Renee for this season, a far cry from her slick professional style from last season. It is still impossible to believe that office drone Renee was undercover, bumping uglies with Russian gangsters. Still, her cliffhanger moment of truth is the decision to sleep with that weasel of a schmuck Vlad to maintain her cover. Vlad loves treating Renee old country style, choking her and telling her “never go against me!” Vladimir makes every mistake in the terrorist handbook, though, by trying to double cross and kill an undercover Bauer, then make off with his black market nuclear material money.
Bauer’s role as a German arms dealer is actually pretty entertaining. Kiefer Sutherland (a constant smoker) takes the chance to enjoy a cig in his awesome thick rimmed glasses. He also speaks some fluent German to fool the terrorist goons, then makes a ridiculously graphics-intensive bank transfer of five millions dollars. When the goons try to kill him, Agent Ortiz snipes them all to dust, and Jack only beats on the remaining errand boy. Despite the attempt on his life, Bauer keeps the deal going. After all, if you’re a criminal mastermind, you have to try to kill someone, just to let them know you’re serious. Meanwhile, the true Russian crime boss continues to be unbelievably mean and cruel by tracking down his two sons, killing everybody in the clinic they’ve been at, then killing his own son (already dying of radiation poisoning) in front of his other son; just to prove a point. He is, indeed, a very bad bad guy.
Chloe actually comes back to form this episode, the first time since season five, by shooting down sniveling tech Arlo Glass (played by John Boyd, a rejected Ryan Reynolds clone) with some really great dialogue. Arlo Glass is an interesting character, mostly from his misplaced confidence with women (Dana Walsh included, who seems to acknowledge him in passing, “maybe I won’t go through with the marriage”) and his ridiculous pick up line, “we both know the same programming language.” Glass is a sure candidate to be killed this season. The writers have taken their damn time bringing Chloe back, one of the strongest characters, and a fan favorite to boot. Hastings makes a small appearance lecturing Jack on how CTU doesn’t torture anymore.
This episode is nothing special, but at least things are moving forward again at a reasonable pace. There is really no reason to be on the edge of your seat for next time, which seems to only offer a reveal of Jack’s feelings for Renee. On one last positive note, Omar is finally starting to act like a real Middle Eastern dictator, having political dissidents rounded up and “questioned” while ignoring the protests of Western nations threatening to pull out of the “peace talks.” There is a bullshit romance between Omar’s bodyguard and his daughter, and the bodyguard’s unbelievable lecturing to Omar about arresting one of his political aides. Omar still isn’t ruthless enough by half to be believable, but it’s heading in the right direction, away from the Anwar El Saddat mold he was introduced in. That poor political aide really couldn’t believe he was being arrested, all while trying to talk the British into staying in the peace talks. I’m sure Omar’s noble daughter will intervene on his behalf. All of these narrative threads are very disparate now, and things to need to start coming together real fast for this to work; also, please, please, please can we have some more action?!
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